Back to Writing..Back to Life!!!

When I started to write..long ago, it was either home work or at best, grocery list that my mom never finished dictating till we reached the shop.

Slowly, there was this phase during high school in Mysore, that I remember falling in love and trying to put together few words I had read here and there..to write my love letters.. As usual, they went to the bin before I finsihed reading it the second time.. yup! my kids would have looked different..and Jo would have been happier with a better husband, had I ever dared to give those letters to those who would read it more than twice!!

In college, the ink changed..the words changed...mostly influenced by the movies and old songs which played amidst the horrible loudspeaker's surrondsound in my small little room...sleepless nights..wonderful day dreams in which I was always a hero...:-)

Jo was the only one who tolerated me in Bangalore..and I wrote for her and about her... not many did she read..but some which she read or even saw... made her run away from me...she fled the scene but I continued to write.. by the time I was in my MBA, having the ability to write 5 additional sheets within 3 hours, the mastery was well established and my letters were long..more like Satyajit Ray's sunday afternoon DD movies..

eventually Internet took over life and the pen went to the drawer... my first blog was all due to peer pressure and like all great things..this also flopped after a couple of posts..one each per year

While I still belive I will never write my emotions and my mind here in an open forum...there is a reason why I want to write more hereon...and this time ...its not for anyone..but for me...

I have been writing a lot..for my own people in life and sometimes, some of these have reached them too... thats an improvement!  But last sunday, after the church mass, I went to a hotel opposite my dad's house to get brekfast for the family..With me lost in my deep thoughts of new found confused spirituality thoughts, I missed seeing a private bus, whose driver, I am sure was also lost in his thoughts. Now, I look back and know that I survived and still breathing..all in one piece...

This got me thinking...and the thought was that...what if I had died then and there, how would people remember me... not everyone...atleast the ones that feel I am important to their lives...and what would I want to tell them, if this was the last time I would speak to them...

This is a dangerous thought..for I know how I have struggled the last two days...thinking about it. One of my dear friend, who likes my writing kept reminding me that I should write more..and often... so, here I am...re-opening my blog after many years.. just to keep my thoughts shared ..thoughts about life...living it..through my eyes...and I know, this time, I am writing for my own... No peer pressure...no worries on who is reading it..no worries of how many clicks it gets or the comments that my loved ones post...

I would love my kids to read these in future..to know their dad better... for whenever I am harsh to Abhi ..he would hate me for not knowing why I shouted at him...and I cant explain my unending love to him..he is still too young... God forbid, if I am not around when he grows up...I dont want to be a myth for him...he would know me here... my life..the way I saw it...!!